WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY

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- Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
- You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
- A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
- When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
- You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go.
- You can go to the bathroom alone.
- Your last name stays put.
- You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- The garage is all yours.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."
- You never have to clean the toilet.
- You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
- Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.
- None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.
- If you're 34 and single, no one notices.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
- Flowers fix everything.
- You never have to worry about other's feelings.
- Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
- You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
- You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking "he must be mad at me."
- One mood, all the time.
- You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.
- Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental 100 bucks.
- You don't care if someone is talking behind your back.
- You don't pass on the desert and then mooch off someone else's.
- If you retain water, it is in a canteen.
- The remote is yours and yours alone.
- You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom.
- If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

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