MEN ARE LIKE

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Men are like floor tiles.
If you lay them right, you can walk all over them

Men are like department stores...
Their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like vacations...
They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like computers...
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like coolers...
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like chocolate bars...
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like coffee...
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like horoscopes...
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like plungers...
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like cement...
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off of his neck.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know, it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

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