GENDER TRANSLATIONS

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MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:

WHAT WOMEN SAY
(what they mean)

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE
(without *you* in it)

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
(we haven't had a fight in a while)

NO, PIZZA'S FINE
(you cheap SOB!)

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW
(I just don't want you as a boyfriend now)

I DON'T KNOW; WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
(I can't believe you have nothing planned)

COME HERE
(my puppy does this too.)

WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY
(I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend)

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE
(I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will)

I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS
(We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends)


WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:

WHAT MEN SAY
(what they mean)

I'M HUNGRY
(I'm hungry)

CAN I CALL YOU SOMETIME?
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER?
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

LET ME GET YOUR DOOR
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

NICE DRESS!
(Nice cleavage!)

YOU LOOK TENSE, LET ME GIVE YOU A MASSAGE
(I want to fondle you)

WHAT'S WRONG?
(What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?)

I'M BORED
(Do you want to have sex?)

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
(I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks while shopping)

YES, THAT ONE'S NICE
(Why do you ask when you aren't going to listen anyway?)

I DON'T THINK THAT BLOUSE AND THAT SKIRT GO WELL TOGETHER
(I'm gay)

IT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT
(I'm really stupid!)

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